i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
