I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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