If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize