I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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