oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
