Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
