I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize