I just threw up on my dentist
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize