its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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