Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
