this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize