If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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