If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize