I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
