Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
