if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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