we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize