I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
