Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
