im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
