Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
