I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize