umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize