im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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