Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
