Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
