I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize