just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's always time for handjobs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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