Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
