why didn't you poke me back
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
