girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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