I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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