Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
