You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
