Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
