Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize