Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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