new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
