It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
