Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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