I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
