just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
