You can't motorboat a personality
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
