I smell stomach acid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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