i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
