my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
