I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize