just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
