apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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