I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So drunk its hurt
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
