when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
