Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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