Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
