Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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