I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
