i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
