Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
