i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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