That's intense
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
