He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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