Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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