I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
