Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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