You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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