Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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