i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
