oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
