i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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