I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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