When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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