How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
