Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Text me some of your sweat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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