If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
