I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
