So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
