I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
