I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
