Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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