The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
