I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
