so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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