Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
