so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
