sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
