If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
