You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
