I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
