Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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