I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
