$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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