Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
