i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
