If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
