Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
