i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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