I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
